Imperfection completes me .

I'm fat and ugly. I'm made of flaws. I yearn to be happy.

My name is Melissa Wong; the broken one .

My life is covered with unhealed bruises & scars . God is my first priority & only God can judge me , so who the hell are you ? Im fat & ugly . Im made of flaws . I yearn to be happy . Im always tired , but it is the kind of tired that even sleeping cant fix . Im going through constant excruciating pain . Pain so bad I'd take take death with a smile just to get away from it . & you'll never know what its like to beg God everyday to just take all the agony away with crippled anger & tears that still drip sore . I love songs which can relate to my feelings . I desire no wealth or health , i just want to be happy . I dont like liars , betrayers nor kpos , I DETEST COPYCATS . I can cry for 4hours straight or laugh for the rest of my life , you decide . It takes years to build up trust with me but seconds to destroy it . Im very soft hearted , but dont take me for granted . Im not helpless . Maybe discouraged & faltering , but not helpless . I love to pray , as GOD listens to me . People said i changed so much . Well , here is the truth . I grew up . I stopped letting ppl push me around all the time , I learnt that i cant always be happy . I , accepted reality .

For all sad words of tongue & pen , the saddest are this " It might have been " .

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Will there ever be a chance for me to say , "I feel so lucky to be me." ?

I'm so tired of my life . You know ? It's always like this . I resigned to fate alright ? I give up . I surrender . Just leave me alone already . All this motherfucking miseries . Am I not entitled to happiness ? I just don't fucking get to have something that I fight for all my life ? I used to think this space of mine was just a simple diary & people would only chance upon it by luck but maybe I should be more cautious about my words from now on as I come to realise there are a lot of crazily sensitive people out there who judge me for this , primarily girls . This isn't the first time already . So sick & tired . But one thing is for sure, I'm tired of explaining in hoping to clear misunderstandings . Never explain yourself . Your friends don't need it & your enemies won't believe it . It hurts to not be able to speak up & say everything you've been keeping in for the longest time , when you have the chance to . What could be worse is when you finally let everything out but is only left with a bruised ego & not the desired acknowledgment you've been hoping for . This is just one of those days I'm down . In fact , fucking down. I feel just like what the title of this post states . Fuck my fucking life . It's always those harsh reminders that trigger my sadness from deep within . Or say , they act like needles which would burst the balloon that is filled with so much grievances . I always , always bottle things up . Besides , what else can I fucking do ? You know what I hate ? Some people have life so easy , & others suffer . Ye t, the people that have it easy , always complain . Just shut up . Just recalled what my counsellor said to me yesterday , "You're just acting tough , laughing so hard , putting up a cool front . I can tell you've been through quite a lot . Show it out , let ppl help you . I would really like to know whats behind that smile & laughters ." & yup , my face starts to turn crimson & i was on the verge of crying . Its like I try so hard to pretend yet all I want is to be seen & heard . How is it that an outsider can see through me better than those who sees me everyday? "It's funny how we feel so much but we don't say a word , we're screaming inside but we can't be heard ." Now I'm simply too tired to feel .

Its like nothing makes sense anymore .
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