Imperfection completes me .

I'm fat and ugly. I'm made of flaws. I yearn to be happy.

My name is Melissa Wong; the broken one .

My life is covered with unhealed bruises & scars . God is my first priority & only God can judge me , so who the hell are you ? Im fat & ugly . Im made of flaws . I yearn to be happy . Im always tired , but it is the kind of tired that even sleeping cant fix . Im going through constant excruciating pain . Pain so bad I'd take take death with a smile just to get away from it . & you'll never know what its like to beg God everyday to just take all the agony away with crippled anger & tears that still drip sore . I love songs which can relate to my feelings . I desire no wealth or health , i just want to be happy . I dont like liars , betrayers nor kpos , I DETEST COPYCATS . I can cry for 4hours straight or laugh for the rest of my life , you decide . It takes years to build up trust with me but seconds to destroy it . Im very soft hearted , but dont take me for granted . Im not helpless . Maybe discouraged & faltering , but not helpless . I love to pray , as GOD listens to me . People said i changed so much . Well , here is the truth . I grew up . I stopped letting ppl push me around all the time , I learnt that i cant always be happy . I , accepted reality .

For all sad words of tongue & pen , the saddest are this " It might have been " .

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Never good enough .

Its getting easier to fake it now . Not just a smile , not just a text , but everything . & the weird thing is , even when nobody realise that im faking it , I dont really mind anymore , well as long as then buy it . I dont mind if ppl think that im leading a happy & anti-problem life when actually , my life is screwed to the maximum . I dont really mind if nobody is here for me anymore , i dont really mind if nobody understands me . Becos its really quite sad to expect something but it turns out to be a disappointment . I won't bother to confront , complain , whine or rant anymore , becos not only am i judged , i am insulted too . I dont mind apologizing again & again anymore , i won't feel bad or misunderstood . If it can make the receiver feel good about themselves or at least feel better , i dont mind . I dont mind if ppl constantly assume or misunderstand me or say hurtful words to me anymore , becos I couldn't be more hurt than now . I dont mind if nobody knows how sick & tired i am anymore . I dont mind if ppl choose to leave me . I dont mind if i have to cry alone everynight with no one to turn to . Becos im really tired of expecting , tired of trying . At this point of time , you might think its a good thing but i think its not . I think it is really pathetic . Well , i truly detest those ppl who made me this way . But its mainly my fault , to allow such things to happen . The conclusion is , I have been hurt enough , alr immuned to the pain . Becos i learnt it the hard way , ppl never change . No matter how hard i try to voice out , or explain , things happen over & over again . Through all my faking & sacrificing experience , i realised that ppl are happier if i live my life that way . Strange yet coherent . Its okay if nobody understands , becos i dont really care anymore . Caring hurts .
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