I realised how happy you were without me troubling you , be it if you are just faking it or not . I know i can't live without you , but I guess you are better off without me . I am starting to realise how much pain I have caused to so many ppl . Agree or disagree , im just a waste of time & im a bad girl who goes around making boys change & sad. I define the word slut . It makes me really upset when i try to do something for ppl , it was not enough & ppl call me to try harder next time . But what they dont understand is , im alr trying my hardest . I think I deserve everything that is coming to now . Ppl who are precious to me are slowly leaving . It is all my fault . I have not been a good girl & im sorry . I wish god can grant me a wish , to make everyone around me happy . Even if it takes for me to die tmr or the day after . Just now in the bus , i thought about many things . The truth is , im really really very upset & every morning when i wake up , im really afraid of dealing with all the bullshits that is waiting for me , after I step out my room . & I have realised that I have always had feelings for you . I have to get it out of my chest before I go completely insane. & now when i say insane , I really mean insane . Just so you know , everynight I look forward to your goodnight texts , becos nobody observes & praise me like you do , sincerely . When i read the texts , I feel like I actually exist & matter to someone . & I listened to all the songs you asked me to listen , they sent tears straight down my face & triggered all the memories which i have been tryin to block out . The thing is , I miss you , alot . & honestly , I have never wanted to let you go . I just wanted you to be happy . Im sorry for making you so miserable , that was never my intention . Forgive me .
