Imperfection completes me .

I'm fat and ugly. I'm made of flaws. I yearn to be happy.

My name is Melissa Wong; the broken one .

My life is covered with unhealed bruises & scars . God is my first priority & only God can judge me , so who the hell are you ? Im fat & ugly . Im made of flaws . I yearn to be happy . Im always tired , but it is the kind of tired that even sleeping cant fix . Im going through constant excruciating pain . Pain so bad I'd take take death with a smile just to get away from it . & you'll never know what its like to beg God everyday to just take all the agony away with crippled anger & tears that still drip sore . I love songs which can relate to my feelings . I desire no wealth or health , i just want to be happy . I dont like liars , betrayers nor kpos , I DETEST COPYCATS . I can cry for 4hours straight or laugh for the rest of my life , you decide . It takes years to build up trust with me but seconds to destroy it . Im very soft hearted , but dont take me for granted . Im not helpless . Maybe discouraged & faltering , but not helpless . I love to pray , as GOD listens to me . People said i changed so much . Well , here is the truth . I grew up . I stopped letting ppl push me around all the time , I learnt that i cant always be happy . I , accepted reality .

For all sad words of tongue & pen , the saddest are this " It might have been " .

Friday, September 3, 2010

I no longer trust you .

I wish i could live like a zombie , kill ppl , burp , suck blood , sleep & kill ppl again . I wish ppl have the ability to red ppl's mind , so that they can read mine . I wish i have a friend who wont make me angry , disappointed or upset . I wish my dad can stop lying & stop being bias . I wish my elder sist can treat me like her sist & stop yelling at me like nobody's business for nothing . I wish my mummy can be more supportive & not only talk about studies . I wish i can sleep & see GOD the first thing i open my eyes . I wish i have no wishes .

We started off with being enemies , no matter how hard i try to like you , i cant . The unsatisfaction is thr , the more i try to ignore them , the more im unhappy . Imma evil person . I badmouth about you to myself to make myself better , but i know its not gonna work anym . From now on , im not gonna " follow my heart " anym , as it led me astray . Im just going to accept the reality , maybe its better this way . You're not the one hiding all your true feelings , i am . You're not the one being hypocrite , i am . & Im truly disgusted with myself .

I wont tell you anything becos i dont trust you . When you are happy , you are an angel . When you're sad or whatever shit , you act like a jerk . Who am i to say anything . You are tired , so am i . You're moody/jealous/disappointed/pissed , so am i . So stop giving me your freaking attitude .

I went back searching for our past conversation , i realised i was so freaking dumb & lame . Yes , you mentioned it alot of time that i was lame . When i said i miss you & how terrible i felt , you said " so lame ". When you know about that guy , you didn't hesitate at all to make me feel sad by telling me to give him a chance . You know whats the reason i didn't accept him & yet you wanted me to say it out just so to make yourself feel good . & yes , its been so long & yet im saying this saying everything again . Thats becos i cannot figure out how could you be so mean . You're the scrawny-est , proud-est & jerk-est guy i've ever met , & i supposed that im the lame-est , stupid-est & the best girl you can ever joke with in your entire life .
F.Y.I. , you're the first person to make me touch a freaking penknife , thanks alot . I hope you die of guilt .


P.S.Pls dont try to assume who am i referring to . & if you think im referring to you , thats your problem . I dont have to explain anything . The problem dont lies with me , it is your self-conscious that you are having problems dealing with .
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