Welcome to the world where you will never be good enough for everyone , not even yourself . The place where nothing I ever do , reaches people expectations & no matter how hard I try . Where my " best " is not good enough . A place where people will judge me based on my appearance . A place where im unable to trust anyone , but myself . A place where society's standards are fucking messed . Somewhere I will be stereotyped & put into categories . A place where im fooled into believing people's lies , with them expecting my forgiveness when they dont deserve it . I know it’s coming , the day when you wake up & don’t think about me , don’t wonder what I’m doing , & aren’t tempted to text me . The day you feel happy because of someone else . The day you laugh because of someone else , the day you want someone else , the day you hug someone else & finally the day you smile because of someone else . Not for me , not because of me , not even directed at me .
I don’t want to feel like this anymore . I’m fed up of being constantly afraid . I’m fed up of constantly being tired . Of being angry , sad , depressed , suicidal . I’m fed up of having to go through this time & time again , of having to talk about how I feel , my childhood , how everything has affected me . I’m fed up of being scared my friends will leave me . I’m scared of being alone , of not being good enough , of failing at life . I’m scared to love , I’m scared to trust & I’m scared to get close to anyone. I’m scared to look in the mirror. I’m scared to eat, I’m scared to see myself in any reflection . I’m scared to be left alone with my thoughts . I’m scared of the dark . But most of all , I’m absolutely bloody terrified of myself . Only I know what I’m capable of , & when I get into one of them moods , I will kill myself . Pleasing people is hard . Its tempermental . Its exhausting . I have to do things which scare the hell out of me . I let my wonder hang at the edge of myself . You know that feeling ? When you're just waiting to get back to your room , close the door & fling yourself on the bed . You just feel like letting everything out that you've been keeping in all day . That feeling of desperation . You're tired . Tired of everything . Tired of nothing . You just want someone to be there & tell you its okay . You know you have to be strong for yorself becos no one can fix you . But you are tired , tired of being strong . For once , you just want it be to easy . To be simple , to be helped , to be saved . But you know you wont be . But you are still hoping , still wishing . But thats what happen when you let people in . They destroy you .
A locked door , a rusty razor .
A towel stained with scarlet red .
A folded note , a broken mirror .
A young girl with so much agony .
Emotions tangled , the room begins to swirl .
She was mummy's perfect angel , & daddy's little girl .
All I want is you to be understanding . That hard ?
Imperfection completes me .
