Imperfection completes me .

I'm fat and ugly. I'm made of flaws. I yearn to be happy.

My name is Melissa Wong; the broken one .

My life is covered with unhealed bruises & scars . God is my first priority & only God can judge me , so who the hell are you ? Im fat & ugly . Im made of flaws . I yearn to be happy . Im always tired , but it is the kind of tired that even sleeping cant fix . Im going through constant excruciating pain . Pain so bad I'd take take death with a smile just to get away from it . & you'll never know what its like to beg God everyday to just take all the agony away with crippled anger & tears that still drip sore . I love songs which can relate to my feelings . I desire no wealth or health , i just want to be happy . I dont like liars , betrayers nor kpos , I DETEST COPYCATS . I can cry for 4hours straight or laugh for the rest of my life , you decide . It takes years to build up trust with me but seconds to destroy it . Im very soft hearted , but dont take me for granted . Im not helpless . Maybe discouraged & faltering , but not helpless . I love to pray , as GOD listens to me . People said i changed so much . Well , here is the truth . I grew up . I stopped letting ppl push me around all the time , I learnt that i cant always be happy . I , accepted reality .

For all sad words of tongue & pen , the saddest are this " It might have been " .

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The best I never had .

Lately nothing I do ever seems do please you , maybe turning my back would be that much easier . Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange but I cant watch you walk away . Can I forget about the way it feels to touch you ? & all about the good times that we've been through . Could I wake up without you everyday , would I let you walk away ? Could i forget about the look that tells me you want me ? No , I cant learn to live without & I cant give up on us now . I know I could say we're through & tell myself im over you . But even if I made a vow or promised not to miss you now , & try to hide the truth inside , I failed because I just cant live a lie .

How could you just say you will be there & left . How could you promise me happiness but left behind a leaden weight of unhappiness for me . How could you just make me believe that at least I still have you & then make me face the harsh reality that im still so alone . How the fuck coud you do this to me . You've got your dumb friends , & know what they say . They tell you im difficult but so are they , but they dk me , do they even know you . Sometimes i really wonder , while they were telling you stuffs about me , what were you thinking ? Feeling sorry for yourself ? You know what i truly feel ? I feel that you've stopped trying & im the one constantly trying . If im in the same situation as you , which I have been before & worse , i will never behave like you & I have never behaved like you . I think you are selfish . Maybe you dont feel the same anymore , maybe you dont love me enough to understand the meaning of "As long as she is happy , i am happy ." . Everytime when I accept that you're gone , you come back . Did I make it that easy for you to walk right in & out of my life ? Do you know how fucking hard it is to bring myself to believe that you're truly sorry , or the long texts you send to me saying that you'll make me happy & be there for me , or your "this is the last time" ? Becos eveytime when I assure myself that I can believe things that you say , you do things & show me that it was the wrong choice , & history repeats . Just how could you do this to me . You always say that you're never the one , you always say that im talking to guys , but you never understand why . Just rmb this , " while you are ignoring her , another guy is giving her attention . While you are giving her problems , another guy is listening . While you are too busy for her , another guy is making time for her . While you are making her cry , another guy is trying to make her smile again . While you are not sure if loving me was the right choice , another guy has already figured it out . " . & the sad thing is , no matter how hard I try , you will never feel anything . You're too stuck in your own world of self-pity . It will never be the same again , & honestly , i blame you for it . Because while i was holding on , all you did was let go .
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