I hate someone whom I really wish to love, but whom I cannot love . Who understands it ? I dont , it just appear in my mind . The physical effects of crying do indeed show that once crying i stop , my body moves from a state of high arousal to one more associated with relaxation . Breathing and heart rate slows , sweating decreases and the period of the relaxed state tends to last longer than the time spent crying . I feel physically better but not mentally . While i was crying , i will wonder if he will ever know that thr's a girl who cry for him almost every night , she sheds real tears , those that come out from her eyes . What will he do if he knew ? Would he just tell his friends about it && joke about it together like he always does or would he care for me && tell me to stop crying && give me a smiley face ? If you have questions about my life so far , then you are pretty much whr i was at this point , having spent most of my life wishing or praying to stop bad things happening . I had lots && lots of questions && no real answers . Everything i knew or understood to be true left me asking , " Why ? " or , " How come ? " Everytime after going out with my friends , i will keep quiet in the bus on the way back home as i tried of ways to die before i got home . When i got back , life seemed even more grim than before , the feeling of shedding tears was never far away .. I spent months trying not to think about all of this , seperating && blocking painful memories , avoiding anything that would trigger them , but the knowledge that i still miss him dearly bought it all flooding back .. No matter how i cried or screamed , nobody ever came .
