January: My birthday sucked . Not becos the surprise weren't good or the presents weren't enough , infact it was great . I had a mental break down on my birthday , wont forget how much I cried . From toilet to the theatre , from the theatre to the toilet , from the toilet to the bus interc , & from the interc to the taxi . & from taxi to my house , & then through the night . It was the worst day of my life , massive disappointment I tell you . Imagine being so excited for someting & then somebody/something just ruin it all with any intention to . The pain is still somewhere hiden in my heart , it still hurts very much the same . I can cry now if you ask . I cant stop mentioning about how terrible my birthday was this year . My apologies to those who put their heart & soul into planning it for me . & im sorry to make you feel all guilty again , but I promise today will be the last day im going to talk about my birthday .
February: Newyear = terrible , becos I had a heart attack before newyear , depressing . Somebody who claims that he loves me , had a change of heart during a sickening 1week trip to a sickening country . & on 22nd feb , my longest romance started . I feel like I was all alone . Becos nobody was happy for me , even my friends . I was so alone . I was judged ofcos , I went through it all alone . Whats worst ? The guilt I had in me , as it was the start of your misery .
March: Had a car accident , it was terrible . CASS still has scars on her forehead becos of it , Rachel's arm got dislocated & I sprained my neck , mum got bruises . 0703 , marks the 2nd year . Hmm , memory lane . Conflicts almost everydy , gives me no rest .
April: First kiss . & on my student handbook , i wrote " First greatest disappointment " on 19/4/11 . Da fuck did you do to this poor girl ): . "I watched , as her tears streaked down her cheeks . I watched , as the blood escaped through her wounds . I watched , as the scars fill her wrist . I watched , as he broke her heart into pieces you can never fix . " . By Glenna .
May: Worst Mothers'Day ever , EVER . My mum found out that my step father had an affair . FUCK MAN I TELL YOU . Knn . Stress like fuck & im damn disgusted with him . Feel lke stabbing his throat with a hockey stick & feed him to gorilla . I still rmb my mum was wearing a scarlet night gown & her hair was unkempt , her cheeks were soaked & red . Her eyes confessed to the fatigue of living , begging for relieve . Do you know whats like to watch your mum cry & there's absolutely nothing you can do ? Well i do . Watching your mum cry & not being able to do anything to help is the saddest thing that can ever happen , not some BGR problem pls -.- Then on the next day , my mum started questioning me about my scars , damn nervous . 21st may , my favourite grandmother passed away . Sad sad sad day .
June: Went to Genting wth cousins , went there with a heavy heart . Cried almost everynight , FML . On June 13th , quarelled with sayang . I thought i was going to lose you . June 19th , fathers' day . Another sad & lonely fathers'day . Misses . However this year's father's day was worse , becos I quarrelled with my boyf . Stupid . & from June 23rd onwards , my life went from basement to hell .
July: On 5th of July , i realised that ppl like me arent meant to be happy . July 8th , I broke down . Everything is gone gone gone gone . Everything fell apart . 220211521 , gone . Everything i believed in has lied to me . July 14th , I thought I cried the most on my birthday , but no , it was on this day . I knew I had to be strong , my deepest scars was inflicted on this day .
August: Best month ever , performed a dance on stage . AWESOME . TheCirque FTW \m/ .
& from September onwards , my life sort of sucked . New people came along , some walk in & out like its free of charge . Nothing stays the same . & I had the worst Christmas . Oh & I started working this year ! Great experience ! :D
It's always the small little things that trigger the emotional side in me . You know that feeling of almost convincing yourself that you're happy & then that sudden emptiness hits you & brings you all the way back to square one ? I guess I've been hurt too many times till I've lost all my senses . It's so true , I always feel like dying all the time but I never fail to get back up on my feet & move on like nothing ever happened . I really have to take my hat off to myself sometimes , on how strong & independent I actually am . At least im much more stronger than those who tries so hard to be sad when there's really nothing to be sad about or those who acts all sympathetic just wanting to gain attention ? Fucking disgusting .
OKAY , enough said ! Dedication time :D .
NOTE: Not in any order .
MY DEAREST FANTASTIC 4 .
Dear Desiree ,
I really dont know what i'll do without you darl . As i've mentioned time & time again , you are the only one in my life that doesn't give me any stress . & I LOVE YOU TO DEATH FOR THAT I TELL YOU . You are always the motherly one , the calm one & the strong one . Not forgetting the one that everybody loves & feel comfortable with , you must always rmb that . Despite all the expectations your parents set for you , you are always coping well & you face them with a smile . You dont hide your feelings , & even if you try to , your face tells the truth . You cry when you feel upset & you are super good to ppl when you are happy . No lies . Thank you for always listening to my rants . Thank you for always being so patient when I throw my temper on you . Thank you for all the small gifts , spongebob book , paris keychain & the sweet treats ! THANK YOU . It is all the little things that make me love you so much ! Stay positive okay , if not I will die leh . HA . & continue to be yourself , thats what makes you special . Loveyou so much hun , you're the one I cant live without <3 .
Dear Glenna ,
WHY YOU SO SKINNY ?! You better gain weight next year if not I will throw you to Steven Lim . Dont purposely dont gain weight just to be with him hor I tell you , im watching you ! *suspiscious stare* . HA . Heh , HELLO . Actually I dont know what to say to you , becos you are too awesome already I can die . Be confident , you are beautiful to me . You are very beautiful , dont let your own judgemental tiny brain condemn yourself . You are my good good friend , one that understands my needs & one that always tries to comfort me even when you now its futile . When im happy , you are extremely happy . When im sad , you feel like punching that person to death . Sometimes when I do things that you dont like , you will just keep quiet to avoid any conflicts , that I know & I appreciate . You're like my little girl , my daughter , one that I want to protect no matter what . I cant take it when ppl bully you , becos only I can bully you . & no wonder how much you like to beat us , Desiree & I will love you anyways . No matter how auntie you are , you will always be so gorgeous in my eyes . Dont try to be anybody else , becos there's only one you . Unqiuely Glenna Lee JiaMin . If not I call you Jane next time , HAHAHAHAH . Shit , I say everything now then Idk what should I text you later for your birthday already ! HAHAHAHAH . I love you so much girl , stay strong . <3
Dear Dhiri ,
Hmm , where should I begin . My mood suddenly change from happy to solemn & sad . I think its the guilt . I know , I truly truly let you down . I always say that you aren't here for me when im down & complain that you have not tried to be there , but the truth is , i am the one who has not been there for you . One thing for sure , you went through alot , more than you should , & im really apologetic . I will not go pass a day without blaming myself for what I've done to you & the pain I've inflicted on you . I've always said that I won't try to stop you nor will i try to make you stay if you decide to leave . After thinking it through , its all a fucking lie . You're still so important to me no matter what you do . I feel the emptiness within me so strongly , becos im so used to having you by my side . I said this on June13 " No matter what , i won't make the wrong choices & hurt you again . " but I hurt you time & time again . I didnt plan for this to happen . You deserve so much better & im not better . Thankyou for being in my life . Thankyou for staying when there's a million of reason for you to leave . Thankyou for staying even if it hurts for you . Thankyou for being the first to buy me a ring , I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw that box under my bag , you weren't in school on that day , what a waste , you should have seen my reaction . You were always there . After Benson , Riyaas , Xavier , you are still here . You've never given up hope . & im sorry for smashing them all , my really sorry . You're just so so special & important to me , I gave in to selfish ways . I should have let you go , but you are just so important , i cant imagine myself without you . More than bestfriends but less than a lover , y'know ? You were always there to tell me how lovely I am , how beautiful I am , & how wonderful I am to you , its amazing how you can put into words . So much have changed , & I know its not going to be the same anymore . I miss talking to you everyday like we used to , talk as friends , talking about anything & everything all day , everyday ! Spilling our emotions , talking about songs & our problems , almost everything . I just miss when we used to talk , now its like we dont even know each other & it kind of hurts . Even though we weren't anything except best of the best friend , it still hurts knowing we've grown apart & it went by so quickly . I rmb when you said we will make new memories , I know its nearly impossible . But im trying if you are , I'll never stop trying . I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you if its within my capabilities , you know I will . Never doubt when I say you are important to me , becos I went through so much for you & im still here , same reason why you hadnt left . Thats all I have to say . All the best , I'll always be here sayang <3 .
Dear ZhengYi ,
TELL ME THE TRUTH NOW . TELL ME NOW ! You think I pretty or not ? ^^ . Stupid bastard , I hate you leh , everytime say my face look like backside . You occupied almost half of my heart in this whole year , why you so sickening you tell me ! Thank you okay MrTan , I know you are trying very very hard . I know im hard to read & I know im hard to please SOMETIMES , so im very thankful that you always find new ways to entertain me & comfort me . Like calling me just to express your concern for me , stay up late at night so that I wont be alone when i wake up in the middle of the night , spam text me to remind me that im always on your mind , controlling your temper when i talk to guys , I know hun , I know . & I know hard is it to do something without any motivation to go on . Im sorry , to always make you worry & heartpain . Im sorry to always mention about the past , but I hope you understand that I'll feel better after saying it . & I NEED TO TELL THE TRUTH , ONCE & FOR ALL . YOU'VE CHANGED , FOR THE BETTER , & I hope this will last forever . I hope it doesnt only apply to me , I hope it applies to your teachers , family & friends . I appreciate everything that you've done for me okay , I do , I really really do . & hence I decided to trust you , you should know how hard it is to earn my trust right ! SO BE HAPPY YOU FINALLY EARNED IT , becos you deserve it (: . Im glad I know you , becos you are so good to me . Thankyou , thank you for not giving up on me . Most importantly , thankyou for not changing me . Thankyou for loving me for who I am . Your prescene is deeeeeeeeeply apppreciated . Be happy , always becos you deserve to be . With lots & lots of love <3
Not forgetting ...
Hi Michelle ! I know you are facing a lot , I understand what you are going through . You are doing a great job now love . Continue to be strong , continue to be brave . Pray , when you feel helpless & hopeless . You are not alone hun , you have so many friends who care for you unconditionally . God is almighty , even if you think that nobody knows your pain , talk to God . As God knows best . People with names starting with M are awesome , but me & you , we are superior (Y) .
Hi Sam & Narinpal ! You both are my good good buddies ! Both so tall & handsome huh ! I have always enjoyed our outings together , both of you too funny already , I thought I will die laughing . HAHAHAH . Thankyou for being there for Dhiri when i make him upset okay ? Especially Sam , your retarded laughter is too powerful . I will never forget both of you okay , I hope both of you dont forget me too ! 4years of friendship , not easy ! CANNOT DRIFT OKAY :D .
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA , i know this is a bad picture but I dont have any other picture already , sorry ^^ .
HI HAIYANG & JIALEI , I know the possiblity of both of you reading this is very small , but becos both of you are my good classmates , im still going to blog about both of you . WAA , both of you so lucky to be in the same class as me for 4years sial ! HAPPY OR NOT HUH ?! HAHAHAH , Haiyang sit beside me somemore . K la , I promise I wont hit you so often k , cut down to 5times per day :D . & JiaLei ah , must learn to be quiet in class ah , if not you always wake me up from my sleep leh . I enjoy both of your company very very much , must continue to entertain me okay ! THANKYOU IN ADVANCE :D
HI SAFIQ ! Although I just know you not long , you've been a very good friend . Thankyou for trying to be there for me , thankyou for making me laugh , & thank you for the chewing gum that i have yet receive , I appreciate it . MUST be "dood" boy next year ah k ! Dont kena probation again , dont disappoint your parents & dont always eat insant noodles ! K , you must everyday be crazy & hyper okay ! ALL THE BEST :D
LASTLY , I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH !
