I woke up tired of life .

I need someone to realise that I can't cope on my own anymore . I feel so confused right now that I can't think . I intended to blog after exams . Rant about my over fucked life & just get oevr it. At least it would have been better that way but now everything has changed . I should have known . Just because we don't have a choice . What ? Drama is it ? Noble love ? Forbidden love ? Why do things always have to end up like this ? As I was saying , someone else always has to get into the picture . Someone unexpected , it comes so sudden that I always have a fucking hard time to digest it . I usually feel stumped first before I start being extremely emotional . I remember how everything he said to me over the phone didn't seem to affect me at first , but when I called my cousin the next moment & started pouring out , I couldn't stop crying . I suffer from what ? Slow reaction ? Even the strongest people have their weakest moment . There's only so much one can take . If only somebody could tell how much I've been through , somebody to be there for me , somebody who understands . Just to save your own skin , you would clutch at a straw even if it means destroying me . For a moment , I got used to the fact that you were dead but now your resurrection has totally turn things around . This is how vulnerable I am . Claiming how much I hate you , but if you're willing to explain everything , just love & show it , I can just allow you to enter hmy life like as if nothing ever happened no matter what you did in the past . I feel like im slowly drowning , falling , sinking & fading into this emptiness , constantly begging , pleading & gasping for air . My mind is plagued with this constant darkness & pain . There's this permanent weight holding me down & I cant breathe , sleep nor think anout anything . Least nothing but the pain . I cant think clearly becos the rest of the thoughts are too heavy . Its all happening too fast . Too fast . It feels like these walls are closing in on me & im suffocated by my own emotions . I feel trapped . The thread of hope im holding on to is fraying day by day . I want everything to stop . Its too overwhelming & it hurts too much . It annoys me how some ppl never listen to me when I tell them about something or vent to them , yet once something happens in their life , it suddenly becomes my responsibility to make them feel better . But when is it goning to be my turn to feel better . I never really get over something , I just learn to live with the pain . Let me fucking tell you , this isn't even a quarter of what's going on in my mind . Everything is fucked , everything is messed up . Every fucking thing .

Talking about this makes me teary . I don't like this at all .