@Veins Of Scarlet

I'm fat and ugly. I'm made of flaws. I yearn to be happy.

My name is Melissa Wong; the broken one .

My life is covered with unhealed bruises & scars . God is my first priority & only God can judge me , so who the hell are you ? Im fat & ugly . Im made of flaws . I yearn to be happy . Im always tired , but it is the kind of tired that even sleeping cant fix . Im going through constant excruciating pain . Pain so bad I'd take take death with a smile just to get away from it . & you'll never know what its like to beg God everyday to just take all the agony away with crippled anger & tears that still drip sore . I love songs which can relate to my feelings . I desire no wealth or health , i just want to be happy . I dont like liars , betrayers nor kpos , I DETEST COPYCATS . I can cry for 4hours straight or laugh for the rest of my life , you decide . It takes years to build up trust with me but seconds to destroy it . Im very soft hearted , but dont take me for granted . Im not helpless . Maybe discouraged & faltering , but not helpless . I love to pray , as GOD listens to me . People said i changed so much . Well , here is the truth . I grew up . I stopped letting ppl push me around all the time , I learnt that i cant always be happy . I , accepted reality .

For all sad words of tongue & pen , the saddest are this " It might have been " .

Sunday, January 23, 2011

I feel so disposable .

I feel like there is always someone better than me for everyone . There's a better daughter , a better sister , a better bestf , a better girlf , a better everything .Im so sick of feeling like im second best to every single person in this world . Then when i just need to rant it all out , i open a new post on blogger & just type my heart out . Then i sit for several minutes , just staring at the screen thinking , " You are pathetic . You are an attention whore . You're fishing for compliments . " Then i just exit out & keep it all in .
Im not searching for sympathy . I just want to know that someoneknows how i feel , because im starting to think that i cant d this alone anymore ...

I hate when i get that feeling when i know im about to cry . When i feel the tears well up , & my face gets flushed . But i hate it even more when i have to hold it in , because someone walks in , or catches me . Becos i dontw to have to explain myself . I dontw to hear " Are you okay ? "s & the " What happened ? "s . Becos i know that what im feeling , is something you may think you understand . But really , you dont understand at all ..