@Veins Of Scarlet: Always doing what im told

I'm fat and ugly. I'm made of flaws. I yearn to be happy.

My name is Melissa Wong; the broken one .

My life is covered with unhealed bruises & scars . God is my first priority & only God can judge me , so who the hell are you ? Im fat & ugly . Im made of flaws . I yearn to be happy . Im always tired , but it is the kind of tired that even sleeping cant fix . Im going through constant excruciating pain . Pain so bad I'd take take death with a smile just to get away from it . & you'll never know what its like to beg God everyday to just take all the agony away with crippled anger & tears that still drip sore . I love songs which can relate to my feelings . I desire no wealth or health , i just want to be happy . I dont like liars , betrayers nor kpos , I DETEST COPYCATS . I can cry for 4hours straight or laugh for the rest of my life , you decide . It takes years to build up trust with me but seconds to destroy it . Im very soft hearted , but dont take me for granted . Im not helpless . Maybe discouraged & faltering , but not helpless . I love to pray , as GOD listens to me . People said i changed so much . Well , here is the truth . I grew up . I stopped letting ppl push me around all the time , I learnt that i cant always be happy . I , accepted reality .

For all sad words of tongue & pen , the saddest are this " It might have been " .

Friday, July 16, 2010

Always doing what im told

ARGH . My throat is killing me man . It has been 3days . During Science lesson , i was so tired & worn out . Both mentally & physically . I thought i could rest my head on the table . However i kept choking on my breaths . Its like im in the water , holding my breath . Then i couldn't take it anym , i choked . I didn't choke on water . Hmm , something else .. Its the same situation ! I was lying on my desk , then i realise i couldn't breathe properly , i choked on something . My head is spinning , my heart is aching , my chest is burning & i couldn't breathe . I know this feeling , depression is creeping up on me , again . Thats when i need concern the most , did i get any ? I dont even dare to utter a word , except to Glenna . She sat right next to me , so easier to tell her . She told me to lift my head & rest my head on my hand instead of my desk . My tears were at the corner of my eyes , i dk why . What was i so sad about ? Its getting worst & worst . Day by day . Hello ppl ! Cant anyb see me through ?

& I just hope you will talk to me , like how you used to ..

I just wanna end it all . Should i bang the wall or should i fall right to the ground ? Will somebody come & catch me or will i be left on the ground without a sound ? Im so tired , im so so tired . I needa break . I thought nice girl finish last ? It aint convincing at all . I tried my v.best , i have no regrets . If its still not enough , fine , i give up .